3 years in July

I’ll never forget it….

July 30 At 10:01am You inboxed me..

I think your so fine, I said thank you. I was smiling so hard. You never knew I was crushing on you for so long.

I’ll never forget it….

I heard so many rumors about you, But you dismissed them. You assured me it was all behind you. I know everybody has a past so I dismissed it too. I felt like this was my chance to really get to know YOU and not who they say you are and what you DO.

I’ll never forget it…..

The first time we met, So nervous to be face too face how we live in the same little city and never been face to face. Crazy good convos and soft touches and smiles. I was hooked on yours words just like that.

I’ll never forget it…..

Time went by and things changed we made a baby, That never seen the world and I watched you welcome a baby from another girl. But that was before me so I didn’t trip. I didn’t say it didn’t hurt I just didn’t trip.

I’ll never forget it….

Open conversations turned into one worded text, Late night talks turned into just fucking late night’s. No more “Good Morning” text I barely heard from you.

I’ll never forget…when I found out where you really lived and you were with another girl and not even the one you were living with….I confronted YOU.  But you dismissed it, you changed you became distance. But I loved you… I loved YOU so I dismissed it too.

When people say time flies you better believe it. I was holding on to the man I met years ago. I was praying he would come back. I settled for what he gave me. I would say I’m done but never meant it. I didn’t want to be done I just wanted us back.

Everything I did or every man I tired to move on with always made me come back to you.

It’ll be 3 years this July and yesterday  on May 14 I finally said my last Good Bye

I’ll never forget it and I’ll never forget you, sometimes letting go can mean I love you too.

When all else fails

Trying over and over, Changing words and voice tones, Approaching them differently, Turning a blind eye to all their wrongs that hurt you, Making excuses for them hurting you to friends and family.  Making excuses for those days and nights they weren’t there for you. The funny thing about loving someone that brings you so much pain and joy is that we hold on to those moments of joy, We see that happiness they bring at times. Because if you attempt to see and accept that pain that comes more often than those smiles you’ll have to question why you’re still there, hanging on, praying for better days. Notice YOU are trying to make things work, YOU are holding on. When it should be “US” One person cant make a relationship work on there own. I know all to well how this feels. When all else fails make the choice that you can look yourself in the face and know it was the best decision.  Choose Happiness when all else fails

When Love Isnt Enough

I’ve watched people fall in and out of love. The worse way to display your hurt from a person you love is publically. We all know when things go bad between you and someone you put time and effort into. Your first instinct is to fly off the handle. Run to social media CALL THEM OUT!! You want to the whole world to know. It’s hard to filter your feelings when you’re hurting. But it’s so important to step back and take time to yourself, THINK. Did you know people feed off of others misery and pain? Did you know that once you show that side of you people will connect and view you as that person. Care about how you present yourself. Everybody doesn’t care about you even so called friends so you better care.

No words can describe the pain of loving someone so much and their love for you doesn’t match up or compare to yours. You can give them the world but trust me you cant make anyone treat you better, It’s their choice, and defending their actions when you know they’re wrong is only setting yourself up to be hurt again. You’re literally giving them the green light to continue and do you wrong. No one respects a person that will let THEM continually cheat, lie and hurt them. Let that sink it. Love is one thing but RESPECT is a whole other level. Love doesn’t equal respect. They can love you but have no respect for you. Love you but will lie to you. It’s levels to it.   Now if you want to stay with them regardless of how they treat you fine but you cant complain because that’s what you want….right? You’ll Confront the people their cheating with but you wont take a stand and demand the person you made a commitment with to get it together or move on.

Love will turn the most sane person crazy, I’ve been there. It’s hard to move on when you  feel you’ve been through so much and you invested so much time or you have kids together.. etc.  If you think hard about what you feel you deserve as a matter of fact write it down and look at the person that you’re fighting for, Are they giving you what you deserve?? Are you happy with this person or just cant stand the thought of having a empty bed. Think about it….

My Small City/Town Complex

I’m from a very small town called Badin located in NC and I live in a small city called Albemarle. The kind of place where everyone knows everybody or related to them lol Their are some perks to small city living such as low crime rate and trust it doesn’t take long to find out what they did in the newspaper right in the “Blotter” section. Traffic isn’t bad unless you’re trying to get to Wal-Mart on Friday then you’re screwed. The down side is people are so nosey and not the regular nosey I mean the “I’m bored so let me see what other people got going on” nosey. It’s doesn’t take long to find out who’s doing who and what and with social media so popular it spreads  like wild fire.

I have a love/hate for it, I love the fact I see my classmates out and about but some I see some aren’t doing well so it hurts a little. I love the fact my daughter isn’t growing up around drugs and gunshots around her, but I wonder what will life be like for her when she ventures outside of this small city world. I love to see her classmates are my classmates kids I cant describe what that feels like. But the way the world is now I wonder how many of her classmates will make it through with her. I pray for better times with the upcoming generation. I hate the fact that being in a relationship where more than likely the person your with has been with at least two to three people in a room or have kids by them. It’s rough but entertaining also, imagine watching people that have slept with each others man and fought and blast each other on Facebook sit and take selfies together and call each other boo and bae. Imagine seeing men hanging out with the same dudes that shot their family member or close friend. That’s small town living for you, it’s bittersweet but in a place where you cant hold a grudge because families grew up together and known each other to long. In a big city their wouldn’t be any of this that’s a fact.

Life is what you make it whether in a small city or major city you  determine what kind of life you choose to live. I like to think I’m a small town woman with big city dreams. I can do what I do anywhere but if I couldn’t do it here first I shouldn’t do it anywhere else. I love to hate it and I hate that I love it.

Complicated Love

{{{“I’ve been going through something’s in the “Love” department. I’ve been running my business and trying to do the Mommy thing and balance my love life. So if you don’t mind here’s a short poem to express these feelings}

I don’t wanna let go and you know this. You don’t wanna  let go and I know this. So many situations in our lives has made it hard for us to even entertain a “Us” life. But I value having you in my life even thou it’s no the way I want you in my life. I miss smelling you and being near you, You don’t even have to touch me and I can feel you all over me. Pacing myself trying to play it cool I just want you no one else just you. So complicated and misunderstood but I get it I get you. This complicated love isn’t for anyone to understand but me and you.

No Regrets

I’ve had to leave a few people behind and learn more about me. I had to do the wrong things to understand and value doing the right things.  I’m living my life with no regrets….some are upset or don’t understand, Not my MY 

PROBLEM

It’s Been a Long Time!!!

I know I’ve been missing in action, but I promise I’ve been busy doing good stuff and not very bad things lol I’ve finally stepped up and I’m taking my cake decorating talents seriously. I never really thought that the things I do people would actually want to buy them!!

So I’ve worked day and night on learning new techniques and improving recipes. My daughter said she was so proud of me 🙂 That’s priceless… So Hello Everyone my name is Shanae and I the owner of “Nae Nae’s Petite Treats!!!!  Below is some of my creations, This is a huge turning point in my life. I’ve chose to step out the box and commit to pushing myself and believing in me.

 

 

My Main Purpose

On February 11 2004 I gave birth to my first child my son Tyler, He was premature. He was a real fighter and he forever changed my life. He passed away one month and a day later. My love for him is hard to put in words. I miss him so much. He would have been 10 years old this year.

One year later to the day on February 18 2005 I gave birth to my daughter Melah. She just turned 9 What a blessing!! I have a angel above and one here with me. She has such a huge personality and brings me so much joy.

So the month of February is a reminder of what matters the.most to me. My purpose is so clear

Words of tha da…

Words of tha day

No need to fight for it or against it, It will happen all you need to do is prepare for you