My Mother/ Father/Daughter Factor

I know that the relationship a young girl has with her father plays

a major role in her life.  Some women my look for certain things in men that either compare to their father or father figure or can provide what their father didn’t.  For security or validation and unconditional love. A mothers role is just as important, Growing up a young girl will see how her mothers interaction with men or their father etc.  My dad and Mom have been married for 42+ years I love them both but, I adore my Mom. She was there for me and my siblings physically and emotionally. My Dad was there for us but not emotionally he was very detached. He made sure a roof was over our head and we had clothes food etc. but that was it really.

I will say he was closer to me, I guess because I was the youngest. He spoiled me but he had terrible communication skills. Ever heard the saying it’s not what you say it’s how you say it? Well he had a way of making you feel less than with very little words. He would cut us down so quick and some of those moments left mental scars for life.

I watched my Mom cater to my Dad and shy away from his painful words and never stand up for herself or us. I vowed as a child to never ever be like that. The relationship between me and my Dad effected my relationships with men. And watching my mother slowly lose her voice and live as if she was walking on egg shells hurt me. I set myself up every time when I dated someone…  On one hand I wanted a stable man, he had to be able to support me, but I wanted him to need me to.  I wanted a man that let me have my way and never question me.

He had to be extra caring and loving and easy to talk to also. But not to easy he still had to have a back bone, but not to much of a back bone because I didn’t want a man to try and run me.  So I managed to find myself in emotionally abusive relationships trying to make it work. I always ended up with men that would verbally rip me apart.  It was always something and I never fully knew what it was I wanted in a man “clearly” I was all over the place and every guy and every thought in my head would lead back to my fathers ways and lack of emotional love, and the place I didn’t want to be is where I ended up time and time again, in my mothers shoes.  When I became aware of this cycle I started to check myself and learn me and what it was I truly needed. I had to face my past in order to move forward.  Dating became a little easier. I knew I couldn’t  hold my past against men and it’s still is a process.  There are woman out there just like me and have no clue why they come up empty in the dating pool. Think about your own factors, some one you looked up to or Mother,Father, Both. What part do you feel they played in your life with men.

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2 thoughts on “My Mother/ Father/Daughter Factor

  1. Pingback: Grow Up « The Synergistic Pen

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